he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
