Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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