Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
