I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
