I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
high people should be assigned attendants
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
