Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
