Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
