Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
