We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
