you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
