Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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