someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
