WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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