her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize