Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
