o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
