Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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