Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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