You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
