I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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