If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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