i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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