My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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