Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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