my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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