And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
