im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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