38 yer olds are good kisserssss
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
