he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
