Don't make out with my wife yet
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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