Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize