she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
