these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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