dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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