i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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