I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
