I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize