we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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