Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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