she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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