I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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