I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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