You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
