White coat. Heels.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
