She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
