PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sober January is a disaster.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are my feet made of real feet?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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