Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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