I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
