We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
