so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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