it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize