I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
