why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
