i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
