i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
