It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
