He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this boner is exhausting
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
