Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just high enough for therapy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
