someone threw a dead crab at me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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