i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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