Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
