k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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