so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
