So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There's even glitter on my cock...
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