ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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