I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
