would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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