Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
