me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
