i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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