Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's rum buckets o'clock
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
