Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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