This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
