I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Terrible idea I love it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
