The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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