so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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