alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
