you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize