he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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