This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
