im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
