i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
