Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize