Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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