my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
